“I have a thing for you to do.” she said, her eyes never wavering. That was something about her soul that inspired me (like all good friends should) she never wavered.
“Alrighty.” I was speaking in fragments that night, spilling my inside ramblings out to two of my sweetest friends. I had no idea how to communicate my thoughts comprehensively. I was a lone girl searching the dark night sky for stars.
and still, her eyes never left mine. My other friend’s hand rubbed my knee reassuringly before busying themselves again with the knitting lying in her lap.
“You should read Psalm 139 as soon as you wake up in the morning and let it be the last thing you see before falling asleep. Not your phone, not another book. But His truth.”
She reached over and grabbed her bible. Fanning through the pages, she stopped at the Psalm. I closed my eyes as her voice gave life to the words.
“Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?”
It really hit me then that no matter where I run away from Him to… He is always there. He is always faithful. He’s the netting that catches me when I fall off of the tightrope I was trying to get across by myself. He is ever-present & ever-loving & ever-relentless after my heart. I am never alone if I truly believe in a God that loves me like a hurricane. I am not searching the night sky for stars any longer because “even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
Her hand reached over to grab mine for a split second as she could sense the tears in my eyes, then it went back to holding her bible upright. “I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” His works. He made us… fearfully and wonderfully made us. So we are His works, we are His. That, being His, is something to praise. And I can finally grasp that. I can see it wrapped up in a shiny box with a nice red bow. I am His and He is mine. That love is powerful. That love will move mountains. That love will shake the earth.
After she finished reading, she asked if they could pray. So they took my hands in theirs. And they spoke unto the God we had just finished reading about. Not the God I had known for the past two years, the one that stayed locked inside my attic and I held the key. But the powerful, all-knowing, mighty Father that knew me before I was actually thought up as a possibility. Never before had I thought of how precious I was in His sight. How He cared for my soul, my inner being, the parts of me that were woven together in the depths of the earth.
T-Swizzle had it right… we have to get out of these woods.
The darkness that entangles and ensnares us. We have to search the branches with pointed ends & the leaves that have decayed and fallen & the wind that moans and wails like a lost soul & walk out into the light. Embrace the sunshine as it dapples through a tree in bloom. Smile as rain trickles down our window pane. You are never alone in a universe that was so fearfully and wonderfully made. Let me say that again: You. Are. Never. Alone.
Darling, I hope you hear that tonight as the darkness creeps in and the devils sits on your back and whispers lies into your ears. Hear that truth. Know that truth. Tattoo it on your heart.
My goodness, you don’t know how much I wish you would believe in those words m’dear. Make them your mantra. Ink them into your skin.
I am. I wrote that on my fingers, one word per appendage. I held that truth closely for a long time. Clutched it for dear life in the times I wasn’t presently surrounded by my friends… and still: I am never alone. I learned that a few nights ago, sitting on the bed with best friends. We are fearfully & wonderfully & beautifully sculpted and made by the Grand Designer and Father of the universe. You are never alone. I am never alone.
Baby, I pray you believe that.