Ever since I was young, I remember wanting to be with people. Big, small, wide, thin. People were my driving force. You see… People have stories. And I live for stories. They are my nourishment. People have stories. About love, about life, about the good stuff, about the hard stuff.
I wish I could sew my heart onto the sleeves of everyone I meet. The boy in the bread aisle, the girl in the shoe department. And by that, I mean I wish I could swap hearts and share roots with everyone I brush against in my day to day life.
But I have people here that are shutting me down, and telling me that this dream to touch people is too big and to have this dream makes me have some kind of God-complex.
How could a dream rooted in the essence of love and the gift of listening that God has so graciously given me make me a bad person?
Perhaps they’re right. It might be too big. And too widespread. And taxing on my health. It might be too hard for me to do. But, I don’t think thats possible… You see, we had a Faith and Justice symposium here at my college. I got to here first hand, stories from women who had survived the Rwandan Genocide. I got to hear stories of mothers and fathers who had endured the holocaust. And my heart aches for those that are a victim of war, war crimes, human trafficking, and just violence in general. Yet, hearing their stories; Knowing that I could pray for them, with them, and others… That made me feel so complete. I could hear God in it. It was as if He had placed a hand on my shoulder and said “Okay, Little One. I know you want to be a writer, I know your heart aches with words. But you need this too. You need the stories of pain & hope & suffering & freedom. It’s my plan for you, my dear.”
And do you want to know something babycakes? I’m part of the problem too. I shut myself down too. Its not just them. I cannot fathom a dream of mine that I wouldn’t leave out to dry. I hang them up next to my insecurities and doubts, dripping with a sort of self-hatred of mine.
This world is big & dark & mean & cruel.
And I’m still trying to find the courage to claim my dreams despite others and listen to the path God is calling me on
Oh baby, I hope you do the same. Let’s go take our laundry down from the line.