With permission I have posted a portion of the following email:
I knew love once upon a time (…) He was my soul mate (…) I couldn’t keep him here, knuckles clenching white (….) But with him gone, I had gotten to thinking: soul mates are supposed to be forever. Aren’t they?
I don’t have all the answers, I sometimes wish I did… but I am not all- powerful and all-knowing. I know that people draw connections. And soul mates? Well, that’s been a concept I myself have been struggling with. But I’m going to share something with you… it’s the quote that changed the way I viewed life, love, and happiness. I’m going to quote the queen here, Elizabeth Gilbert.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so that you can change your life.”
M, he may have been your soul mate. He may have shook you like crazy and moved the mountains in your life around. But people aren’t meant to stay. We aren’t meant to hold onto them longer than their allotted time.
Because how selfish is that? How can you tell someone to stay with you because you are too afraid of change, too afraid to let them go? That’s the real message here that you’re looking for. How to let go. Because soul mates are meant for forever and sometimes they aren’t. Maybe he was your soul mate, but he’s not your forever.
That was hard for me to write, M. I wish I could have told you some poetic line that made the pain be wiped away like chalk on a chalkboard. But I’m going to say it again, because you need to hear it: He may have been your soul mate, but he wasn’t your forever.
You see, we’re meant to fall together just to fall apart. Our hearts are meant to beat against the current of life just to sink below the surface and disappear into the inky depths. It’s not our place to hold people in places where they must remain constant. Let him go sweet child, let him go. Let him change and morph and grow into the person you want him to be, but let him go. He isn’t yours anymore. And you aren’t his. Be thankful. Be courageous. Be brave & heartfelt & all shades of relentless in this quest to find yourself.
Soul mates are meant to pass into your life, tear you to shreds, and show you who you are meant to be then leave. It’s too painful to live with a soul mate. It’s too painful to be devastated everyday by the ways they push you and open you and unclench you. So let your hands go, M. let your knuckles gain back their color. You are far too precious to be hung up on the past. It’s hard to burn the suitcases and let the ones who hold your heart pass on to their future, but let him go.
I dated this guy once and I fell for him hard. He was my soul mate, I believe that now. I wanted to be better and look better and change people for the better because he saw that in me. He saw something in me, something good, that I couldn’t fathom. Then he left. And I was broken and damaged and held on to his pieces tighter than I held on to the edge of the cliff I was slipping off of.
He was my soul mate, but he wasn’t my forever.
I’m going to say that again, because it’s worth repeating M:
Someone may be your soul mate, but they aren’t your forever.