We were always told that the monsters under our bed didn’t exist. That we could sleep soundly at night knowing that the demons wouldn’t jump out of the closet. So to prove my grandmother wrong, I slept under my bed one night: teeth brushed and elephant pajamas on. My flashlight was prepped and ready to go and all my most-comfortable blankets and pillows were fluffed all around me.
But nothing visited that night.
And I came out in the morning, head drooping and heart saddened. My grandmother took me onto her lap and told me that I shouldn’t be sad. Did I really want to face a scary monster anyways?
But I did. I wanted the beast to come save me from the boring world of people. Nine years old and I was already falling in love with the unsung and misunderstood hero.The cursed prince that kept himself holed up in his castle.
Yet, he never came and I stopped believing in true love and fairytales.
I stopped looking for people to fix. Stopped worrying about fixing myself. I just remained hidden in shadows and the corners of rooms filled with crowds.
I let Beauty after Beauty walk out of my life. I let them woo away until they gave up. But I wasn’t going to fall for a good guy when a beast still lurked in the darkness of my soul.
I finally found my beast.
I found my beast in the form of a boy that played with hearts like they were fire.
and man, did we burn. Trace the scars left on my skin from the heat of us and you’ll see. They’re still hot. They’re still pain-filled, still raw from the time his hands first caressed my flesh and caused the damage.
I had always heard the first cut was the deepest, but until my beasts’ claws dug themselves into my heart and left me broken and bleeding in the middle of the street… I was clueless as to what the pain of the cut would be. I hadn’t realized that 3 a.m. would become a time of tears and silent sobs that won’t wake up my roommate. I hadn’t actually known what I was getting into when I first whispered back “i love you” and your eyes light up in the moonlight, carnal and intense.
Beasts only love until they catch the scent of something new to prey on.
and Beauty fades away as time goes on.
The monsters were never under your bed, my dear.
they’ve always lurked inside our souls.
have always laid dormant, awaiting the need to awaken.
awaiting the time to go forth and gain control.
Beasts aren’t worth the pain. Beasts aren’t worth the loss. Beasts demand a Beauty they can’t ever truly have…
Lock the closet doors if it makes you sleep better, check under your bed if helps you close your eyes.
You’re safe tonight, babycakes. Grandmother was always right.