8/4/14
The girl with stars in her eyes stayed up late at night to watch the moon shine quietly in the southern sky, shimmering behind flat, emotionless clouds. It reminded her she wasn’t alone in this crazy world because somewhere out there the boy with brown eyes and faded converse was staring up at the sky too; somewhere that boy was dreaming of the first time he would lay eyes on the girl with stars in her eyes…
But what happens when the moon goes out on the night she needs it most? When the girl with stars in her eyes feels more lonely than she has in all her 14 years… what then? That night, she was alone. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with her insecurities. Alone with all the doubts she had. Alone without the moon or the brown-eyed boy. That night the stars in her eyes dulled, they weren’t quite shining as bright as they should have. And the goodness she saw in everyone and everything was being exchange with fear and uncertainty like conversational pleasantries. The girl with stars in her eyes was afraid. She didn’t want to be lonely in the every, every moment of her life with only her dulled stars and broken dreams for company.
This girl use to be an open-eyed dreamer. She used to dance in fields of laughter while sunlight frolicked through her hair. She used to be a do-er. The girl with stars in her eyes use to do everything, live for everything and everyone. She use to go on adventures and meet new people and want to change the world.
But today, if you came across this now 18 year old girl with stars in eyes still dully shining… you’d see her sitting on the banister of her porch, feet dangling over the side like leaves on a branch in the fall. She was sick with hopelessness. Her hair was cobwebbed with uncertainty and there was doubt behind her ears. Her sunken cheekbones and back hunched over with melancholy are proof that she hasn’t moved out of this place for four years. She sat there staring out into a black void, not even noticing when a wide-eyed smile scooped the girl up into her loving arms and carried her inside. Her Silver Lining washed the girl in love, washed the fear away. Scrubbed the doubt from behind the girls’ ears and rubbed the uncertainty from her hair. Her Silver Lining dressed her diginity and the girl was fed Hope on shiny silver spoons. It helped her grow. It taught her to dream. It made her eyes shine with a longing for the future and woke the girl up from her hopeless trance.
“I already know what you’re gonna say. And I know I’m going to cry” the girl with stars in her eyes whispered weakly. “I already know what you’re going to say, so please… just say it already. And it make it as easy to hear as possible.”
The Silver Lining took the girls hand in her own. Protectively holding it like the girl was her baby, sheilding her from the cruelty that only a person’s mind can deliver.
“Baby, you have so much more to offer this world than the smallness you have let yourself become. Please, please, please go back to being hungry for adventures & laughter & dreams & hope. Go back to changing the world with the gentle fierceness that rests within your soul. Go back to the stars that shine in your eyes and know that sometimes you have to put that boy with brown eyes and faded converse on the backburner. He ain’t goin’ nowhere sweetie. Go make something of yourself. And realize that sometimes you have to be your own silver lining. But there always is one, even if you have to dig deep down to your roots to find it.“
The girl with stars in her eyes nestled her head into the crook of her Silver Linings arm and murmured: “What if no one believes in the things I do? Who out there would be willing to listen to me? To listen to words about hope & love & second chances & silver linings? What if I’m the only one? What if I’m alone…”
Her Silver Lining stroked the girls hair and carried her to bed, saying:
“Sweetheart, I can assure you that you aren’t alone. You are never alone. Now go to sleep, sweetheart. You have a big adventure tomorrow, and the rest of your life for that matter.”
So the girl with stars in her eyes fell asleep in the arms of her Silver Lining, dreams of courage & world-changing & hopefilled sunrises floated through the girls mind. Her Silver Lining tucked her in and whispered one last prayer into her ear:
“Darling, I pray that never again will you lose your sense of wonder and your dreaming heart. I pray you never stop looking for that boy with brown eyes and faded converse to show up in that bookstore. I pray that you take this life in your dainty hands and show them all the warrior you were born and meant to be. Darling, the world is yours if you just reach out and take it.
I pray that you take it baby.”
Courtney Anne Walters 