4/26/16
I let the darkness win on Sunday.
I let the darkness win but that doesn’t mean that I am the darkness. I am not. I am not. I am not.
There are days when the darkness is all we know. There are people who can speak truth into your life but you are not going to hear anything unless you want to. You will be deaf to the good news as long as you continue to dip your feet into the stream of all things bad for you.
There will be days when the darkness seems to be your only friend. When the people you rely on and enjoy spending time with will spend time with someone else. There are more people in their orbit than you and there are more people in your orbit than them. Don’t confine people in boxes. Don’t keep them captive from the world. We all know the story of Rapunzel, nothing ends well when we keep people locked up in a hypothetical tower.
There will be days when the darkness makes you feel like Rapunzel. There are days when the tower seems too tall and you can’t reach the ground despite how long your hair has gotten. Don’t forget to look up. Don’t forget to look to the sky when you are fascinated with keeping your feet on the ground. Sure, the ground is safe. But, the sky holds hope in it’s hands.
Some days, the darkness will win. Some days.
But the other days are more important. The days when the darkness gets muffled and you feel light and seen and heard. Those are the days to cherish. Those are the days to look right in the face and say “I am happy when you are around, but I want to feel you all the time.”
And you can ask for that. You can pray to that God way up in the sky and ask Him for good things. It’s allowed. It’s wanted, even. God wants good things for us.
This is something I struggle with. I hate the thought that God would want to give me good things when I consciously and constantly sin and mess up and fall short. I hate that God singles each and every one of us out and asks “what is it you want? what is it that makes your heart flutter?”
I don’t like being the center of attention. I don’t like when people ask what I want before others. Sure, there are desires that rest in the nooks and crannies of my soul, but I am not going to shout them from mountains to the creator of the universe.
But why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t you? The fact that we are allowed to approach the throne of God with our desires is something that I think we take for granted a lot of the time. It’s something I think we just do, we go through the motions of prayer a lot of the time and I am going to write a lot more about prayer as God continues to teach and break and grow me in that area.
So why shouldn’t you ask God for good things? Maybe you feel unworthy. Inadequate. Small. Maybe you are fearful. Quiet. Tongue-tied. But that doesn’t mean that you let the darkness win by staying silent. That doesn’t mean that you give up and slip deeper into the stream of all things bad for you. Fight the good fight. Swim for the light.
I think that our society likes to focus a lot on the darkness and the victory, but I’d like to focus more on the battle.
I’d like to focus more on the times when you feel ignored and invisible and weak. I’d like to bring to attention the times that you break down at 3 a.m. but also when you need to hide at 4:15 p.m. because you can’t stop the tears from coming. When the fight gets too much, that’s where we should focus.
Too many times, people are fighting fights alone that they shouldn’t be. Addictions, Mental Illness, Identities. Things that people should feel safe to tell their close circles but don’t because society tells us we should be redeemed or that we are the lost cause. There is no middle ground and I am fed up with that.
Life is a battle of dark and light.
Life is a fight between good and evil
Life is grey and ambiguous and hard to discern.
It’s not about the way that life is, it’s about the way that you get through the fight.
It’s about the way that you continue to stand up no matter how many times you get knocked down. It’s about the way that you come beside those who are broken and how you help them rise to their potential. Not for the praise. Not for the likes. Not for the recognition. Do it for God’s glory and because people are worth fighting for.
No matter what else you care about: People are worth the fight.
Courtney Anne Walters 