Tunnel Vision

9/11/16

There are times when I feel like I see my life through a peep hole in a door.

My vision is tunneled and I can’t see past what’s right in front of me. Right now, I am trying not to look past what’s right in front of me.

I am trying to see the good in everything around me. I am trying to expand this tunnel vision inch by inch but the more I try to push against the view, the more it backfires and it shrinks.

I feel stuck in a box that is closing in on me. Labels and stereotypes and stigmas. Everything I thought I had escaped when I surrendered this part of my life (you can ask me about this if you’d like, but I’ll probably not write about it) to Christ is crashing into me and I’m stuck looking at life through a peep hole.

I’m going to be honest here.

I hate the verse “come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest.” I hate “for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Because honestly (and pardon my French) that is all the fucking time.

I am always tired and weary and my back always aches from the metaphorical weight I am lugging around with me. I am constantly worn-out by the load that this life deals out to us.

So yeah, I like the idea of giving my suitcases full of baggage to Christ. I like the idea that I can feel light and easy and care-free. But in reality I think you need to admit that the world is so broken every day, but also request that you have the strength and peace to move through it as effortlessly as possible. This process is a lot more like a daily cup of coffee: You need to pour yourself a cup of grace, and some days you’ll need two.

There will be days when your vision is tunneled and you can only see the things that are heavy-laden. There will be days when sitting in your room by yourself for two hours feels like an eternity. There will be days when the silence is too thick and you can’t hear yourself think over the static.

On days like this, step back. Stop looking for an alternative way around things. Just feel. Just feel all the things that you are feeling. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to not know whether you’re feeling too much or not at all. It’s okay. You are okay.

On days like this, make sure to pour a little extra grace in your cup.

Make sure to give it to yourself, that’s not selfish. That’s not narcissistic. That’s being human and knowing that loving yourself is the only way you’re going to be able to love others better.

There are times when I feel like I see my life through a peep hole in a door. My vision is tunneled and I can’t see past what’s right in front of me. Right now, I am trying not to look past what’s right in front of me.

Right now, I am trying to extend grace to myself and love myself despite the persecution I am facing. Right now, I am trying to find comfort in a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light. I am trying to find rest.

We’re okay.

We will be okay.

I promise.

Joy will come in the morning.

Press on.

Keep pressing on.

>> a prayer to share:

Lord, help me find comfort in the fact that you walked this earth and faced persecution and still you can say “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I pray that you extend the grace of your love to me Father, that you extend this peace and this light to me. Help me to rest, God. Help me to rest and to give rest to others. Amen. <<

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