When The Stars and God Became More Than Enough For Us

1/28/15

The grey areas between our lines are starting to blend.

But you were always the one with questions and I was the one with answers. .. you were the one that asked the way into all the situations and I found ways to slip quickly out of them.

One night, you surprised me with a question I couldn’t escape:

“Is there anything you believe in more than the stars and God?”

You asked that so innocently. So sweetly. How could I have thought that my answer would impact how you lived your last three months?

“Well….” I started. But I couldn’t finish it. I tried to form the words. No, they are both steadfast and everlasting. But I couldn’t because I knew there were things I believed in just as much as the stars and God. Just as much as the two things that have kept me alive, and that is heavy things for me to spill out to a nine-year-old soul that saw me as her biggest role model.

So I told her the truth… I looked her right in the eye and told her I believed in dust motes, the kind that float endlessly in the sunlight. They appear to be their own little galaxy sometimes, and you’ll need that reminder, I told her. You’ll need the reminder that you are bigger than some things,  that God made you with such a hope as that: you will be bigger than some things. 

I told her I believe in the way that snow falls, so slowly, diligently. Like it’s only job is to drift down to earth and create something so beautiful and pure and clean. Aspire to be the snow: know that it is okay to fall, it is okay to be knocked down, it is okay to crumble at times. But, you have to get back up.  Did you hear me? You. Have. To. Stand. Back. Up.

I believe in laughs shared with good friends over the simplest of things. In getting to know another soul so well you can tell when they aren’t happy by the slightest curve in their face or glint in their eye. That’s our real cause to be on this earth, loving and knowing people. Why else would our heart beat for the sight of some people??

I believe in the sunrise and also, the sunset. I believe in the rising and falling of another human’s chest, and being able to find comfort in that.  If we can’t find comfort in another human then how are we suppose to live this life? People are all we get.  These moments, these seconds surrounding us, they are all we are granted. Time is a feisty and cruel person. She’ll come knocking on your door before you are even packed and ready to go. Be  ready for her.

I believe in late night trips and coffee dates.

The kind that have no expected outcome but end up being the right place you needed to go or the ones that have no inhibitions and you spill your hearts out over steaming mugs. If I’ve learned anything– its that nothing can heal a broken soul like coffee and people.

Grey became beautiful when our color started to blend together and you believed what I did. Grey became my favorite color because it tied me to you. 

You keep asking questions, darling. It shows that you trust enough to know that there is an answer.

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